


The Restoration

by AnonymousSong, lily_winterwood



Series: The Quest for Erebor [7]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Asexuality, Demisexuality, Dragon Sickness, F/M, Gen, Hobbit Liveblog, In Character Blog of Restoration of Erebor, Liveblog, M/M, Mental Instability, Misunderstandings, Nonbinary Character, Paranoia, Physical Therapy, Politics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ring Sickness, Slow Burn, Trans Character, Unreliable Narrator, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-03-08 23:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousSong/pseuds/AnonymousSong, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_winterwood/pseuds/lily_winterwood
Summary: The Restoration of Erebor liveblog, as first written on Tumblr on QuiteRespectablyYours and ReclaimedDurin.The dual blogs of Bilbo Baggins and Thorin Oakenshield depicting the restoration of Erebor over the course of seven months.





	The Restoration

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are!! Onto the second part of the Hobbit Liveblogs!! (I know I was calling it the Reclamation before but I got confused by Thorin's url lmao)
> 
> Thing to note: as of right now, ReclaimedDurin is blocked on Tumblr for NSFW stuff which??? I have no idea why it's actually blocked. I've been non-stop emailing Tumblr to get them to unblock it but as of yet there has been no reply. I'm gonna try to get it all moved onto here as quick as I can but it'll take a few months. Hopefully they don't delete the blog,,,
> 
> Anyway! Thank you as always for y'all's continued support :)

### December 2nd, 2015

#### Bilbo

 **9:29AM** The snow that fell yesterday did not last the night. The air is still so crisp and cold outside Thorin’s tent. I can see groups of Dwarves, Men, and Elves wandering across the battlefield. The Men have built a funeral pyre near the ruins of Dale for their dead, and the Elves are burying theirs in the cold, unyielding soil.  
Last week the Dwarves were burying their dead in the heart of the Mountain, as Dwarves must be enclosed in stone. Lines and lines of bright Dwarvish soldiers were placed together in one silent stone tomb, and even now more of them, older bodies whose spirits can now join with Mahal in the Halls of Waiting, are being brought down every day by the Dwarves and Men. There are signs of mourning all around, from Elves unbraiding their hair to Dwarves cutting their beards and Men praying to the Gods of the West with their eyes turned to the sky.  
I still cannot believe that all of the Company has avoided such a fate.  
#recoveryblogging #the company

#### Thorin

**9:45 am**  
I awoke to Óin checking on the various bandages wrapped around me. He apologized for waking me though I did not mind. I may not be allowed out of the tent yet, but from the light, I can tell that the morning has long since begun. I know that sleep helps with healing, but it feels odd to be sleeping as much as I am; a chance for rest after months of disturbed nights. Óin says he wishes for me to sleep even more, as much as I am able, as it will only help me more.  
I asked Óin when I would be allowed to walk and leave the tent, as my nanaddan are already able to do. He said that the stab wound that nearly took me from this world will need quite some time to heal, though it has thankfully begun to develop a layer of healing skin. He still worries about an infection setting in and has asked that I report anything odd. I promised that I would, as I do not want to be confined to this cot any longer than I have to be.  
#the restoration #oin

**10:54AM** The Men have lit their funeral pyre, having collected the last of theirs from the battlefield. All that is left are the Orcs and goblins and Wargs, tossed onto a pile waiting to be burnt last of all. I wonder how long it will take before the air no longer smells of death.  
#recoveryblogging

 **11:02AM** There is something so grisly in the scent of burning Orc-flesh. It is truly repulsive. I have asked for sweet-smelling herbs to be delivered to Thorin’s tent so that he may not smell it.  
I can see Bolg’s head on a pike before the burning carcasses of the Enemy. I suppose it should give me cheer, but it does not.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**11:15 am**  
Fíli and Kíli have spent more time at my side, which I am thankful for. They have told me of the burial arrangements that have been made for the Dwarves, Men, and Elves that fell in the battle, as well as the Orcs, Goblins, and Wargs. Even without them telling me, I recognized the scent of burning bodies in the air. Though, herbs have recently been brought to the tent and placed in various spots. It has helped to chase away the scent somewhat.  
While talking with my nanaddan, my eyes were continually drawn to their shortened hair. Following battles, especially such as the recent one where many Dwarven lives were lost, it is a mourning tradition to cut one’s beard to show the grief for those who fell. Neither Fíli nor Kíli have beards long enough to cut or trim, so they took several inches from their hair. I had watched them cut the other’s hair a few nights ago, the tent having been silent enough for me to hear the shears make the cuts. Both are still young enough to not have experienced a battle like the one we have recently lived through, and to see them share in this mourning only reminds me of how much they have grown in these months.  
Usually, however, Dwarves do not cut each other’s hair for these such occasions, even close kin like Fíli and Kíli. But their injuries prevented them from doing it themselves. Kíli bears a cut from their right shoulder to their sternum. Though they have not said anything about it, I can see that they worry about how it will heal, as it will affect their grip and strength on their bow if it does not heal properly. Fíli as well worries about his future with a sword and shield, as his wound is a slice across his shoulder blades, due to him having turned to check on Kíli after they had fallen.  
I believe that they both will recover well with the correct attention paid. I pray that they do.  
#the restoration #my sister children

**1:46PM** Thorin has informed me that yesterday marked the start of the Iklaladranamrâg, or the Winterfest. Normally the Winterfest marks about a month of cheer and plenty, but in our current austerity and mourning it feels almost impossible to feast and sing. I will ask Bombur for more details about the Winterfest when I return our bowls after lunch.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #bigdwarf #amrâlimê

**2 pm**  
Bilbo returned from where he had been helping around the camp and brought lunch with him. I am still restricted to plainer dishes, so as to not irritate my inner organs that were damaged. I am reminded, however, of the plain porridge given to me in the dungeons of Mirkwood. But I will not deny the food, as I know that without it, I cannot heal as quickly.  
Bilbo told me of what has been happening in the camp, commenting that preparations seem to have started for something. I asked what the date was, as I was still uncertain given the days that I slept. He informed me and I realized that Iklaladranamrâg has already begun. Bilbo asked what Iklaladranamrâg was and I told him that it was a month long celebration done just before the beginning of winter. I admitted that while I was excited for him to learn of this celebration, it would not be like ones in the past, as grief still hangs thick in the air.  
Bilbo assured that despite that, he was still happy to learn more about it. He truly does seem to hold a hunger for knowledge that he has held onto throughout all of these months.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**3PM** Bombur has informed me that while the whole of Iklaladranamrâg may not be celebrated with the same amount of cheer and lavishness as it usually is during times of peace, there are plans for the Feast of Lights, or the main celebration in the Winterfest season. It will begin in about four day’s time, and our rations until then have been small in order to preserve supplies for the week-long Feast.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

**3:30 pm**  
Bilbo has departed to help more with the preparations around the camp. Telling him of Iklaladranamrâg has brought back the memories I have of previous ones. It truly is a month of joy, with the week long Feast of Lights as the main celebration. Candles are lit during this week, seven for the stars seen in Durin’s Crown. It begins with a large feast among many, songs and laughter heard in the air. As the week goes on, the feasts become smaller as kin is drawn closer together, from the more outstretched branches of their line to the closest of kin. The last day is a quiet one in comparison to the first, spent with only oneself, left to one’s thoughts and prayers in remembrance of those who had fallen in past battles, such as the Battle of Azanulbizar.  
During this week, gifts are also exchanged each day among kin. Usually small but personally handmade things that have been made with individual kin in mind. Beads are a common gift and the two in my front braids were gifts from my brother, Frerin, many years ago during the Feast of Lights. Iklaladranamrâg is a celebration I tend to enjoy, and I am saddened that I cannot properly celebrate it this year.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #frerin

**4:45 pm**  
Besides the initial visit when I first awoke, I have not seen much of the company. Óin stops by several times a day to check on my wounds and my nanaddan are frequently in the tent due to their own injuries. Dwalin was the first to visit me on his own, coming by today with a somber set to his features.  
Before he could speak, I said how sorry I was for not only doubting his loyalty, him most of all, but for what I commanded him to do during my madness. He has always held such loyalty and I used that against him; my kin who sits as close as a brother in my heart. Dwalin was silent, though his hand gripped my shoulder with a familiar hold. Forgiveness would not be something so easily given, and trust must be rebuilt. But despite this, neither he nor the company would abandon my side. When I was able to speak again, I was sure to thank him.  
Dwalin finally spoke after a time, holding up the pouch he had brought with him. He said that he knew that my injuries were too severe at the moment for me to trim my beard myself in mourning of those who had fallen in the recent battle and that he had come to help in that matter. It took several minutes to arrange my cot and padding behind me to help me to sit up. When I was finally propped up enough and Dwalin began to trim my beard, it was as silent in the tent as when Fíli and Kíli trimmed each other’s hair. Just as with them, I could hear the razor make each cut, as well as feel it this time. When Dwalin had finished, I made sure to thank him once more.  
#the restoration #the company #oin #dwalin #my sister children

**5:30 pm**  
Óin has come by to check on me again. He continues to say that my wounds are healing well, though there is still the fear of infection or various other things that could go wrong. In his talk, Óin mentioned his own fatigue to his going back and forth between the camp and inside the mountain all day. I asked why he had been going into the mountain so frequently, when his patients were in camp. He explained that many had begun to be moved inside, as snow was beginning to cling to the ground and the sick never mixed well with the cold.  
Before I could ask, Óin said that I had not been moved inside yet due to my injuries. Though I would be carried into Erebor, there was still too high of a chance of my ribs being damaged further by the movement.  
His words make sense, yet I cannot help but worry that there is something else keeping me here in camp. I had already shown that being within Erebor’s halls ran the risk of twisting my mind towards the gold, with the sickness whispering in my ears. Perhaps Óin and the others share the same fear that I do — that returning will only result in my madness once again.  
#the restoration #oin

**6:05PM** I have been helping Bombur with some of the preparations for the Feast of Lights alongside my usual duties in delivering supplies. Fíli and Kíli, when they were helping me bring bandages and herbs to some of the healers’ tents that are still out on the battlefield — many of them are being moved inside due to the cold — said that the healers had wanted to move Thorin into the Mountain as soon as snow started falling, but Óin had insisted on keeping Thorin in place to prevent any dislocation of his rib fractures.  
He has more issues than that, of course. We can only hope that he doesn’t add onto his list of ailments by getting an infection in one of his numerous wounds.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf #thing 1 #thing 2 #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #trumpetdwarf #amrâlimê

**6:25 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Thorin, how are you passing the time while you recover? I can't imagine you're up and walking about quite yet, given the injuries you sustained during the battle.**  
I have not been allowed to walk around yet, as my injuries are still healing. To pass the time, I have taken to talking with my nanaddan when they are present, listening to what is going on outside of the tent, or sleeping more. I cannot say that my days have been terribly interesting but I am happy to have them nonetheless.  
#ask #anonymous #my sister children

**6:45 pm**  
_Griffonskies asked:_  
**I have a childish question. For a few laughs after all the fright. If a dwarf were to insult another dwarf in jest, what would that be? The first thing that comes to our minds is usually something Elf based, but I'm sure there are better and funnier insults out there.**  
**Also, any rock puns crystallized recently?**  
Jesting insults more often than not are about another’s beard or smell. There are some that combine both, such as, “Your beard stinks like an orc latrine.” There are quite a number of Elven based insults, though those tend to not be said in jest.  
As for rock puns, I have been under some pressure lately, so it is tuff to think of some at the moment. I cannot say the ones that I currently know are igneous, more like stepping stones for greater ones to come. Perhaps give me some time to dig some up.  
#ask #griffonskies

**7 pm**  
Bilbo has returned for the night, bringing supper with him. He told of how he spent his day and we fell into the easy conversation that we once held frequently. It is only now that I am realizing how much I changed before, as these talks are something that have been absent for some time. His expressive features, his ability to turn what seems to have been an uneventful day into an interesting tale. As always, he fascinates me, draws me closer with simply his presence and the hint of a smile pulling at his lips.  
His cot is pushed closely beside my own, as he says he will not share mine with me, no matter how much he wishes to, for he does not want to injure me more than I am already am. I swore that I did not mind and that caused him to giggle into his food. He then promised that when I got better, which meant I had to sleep often and eat every meal I was able to, then he would not only join me in the cot but he would see about acquiring some honey for us to share. I told him that I could feel my injuries healing all the faster with that promise, drawing another laugh from him. I still wonder about his decision to stay here near me given my previous actions, though I will admit that I am also incredibly pleased by the decision.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**7:07 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I have faith in that your madness will not return. Or more like you will not allow it to return.**  
Thank you for your faith in me, though I believe it is too hopeful.  
#ask #anonymous

**7:15**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**How often has Bilbo came to your tent?**  
Bilbo helps with preparations for Iklaladranamrâg and around the camp wherever help is needed so while he is gone for most of the day, he is here for meals and also sleeps here.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê

**7:23PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Do you remember telling us about the seven flowers you wove for midyear's day? I know you don't really believe in the ritual but given your relationship with Thorin, do you ever think about how their meaning is very appropriate?**  
Perhaps. But so many other people might fit the description that those flowers provide. I don't want to pin it down to any one thing that has led me to Thorin, but perhaps in hindsight the dream I had with the flowers could have been a premonition.  
#ask #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #Anonymous #amrâlimê

**7:40 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**May I just say, you and Bilbo are simply adorable together. Your love seems so strong. i wish you both every happiness in your future.**  
Thank you for your kindness. I wish the same to you and yours.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê

**7:58PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Do you think youll make anything for Thorin for the celebration?? Or is that a secret later to be know..?**  
I have nothing worth making. All of the food is being saved for the Feast of Lights and I have no wit for poetry.  
#ask #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #Anonymous #amrâlimê

 **8PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Bilbo, Thorin is making rock puns again it seems. It's very endearing, isn't it.**  
He’s been in bed for so long that it was bound to affect his head.  
#ask #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #Anonymous #amrâlimê

 **8:31PM** Thorin’s tent is at least warmed by a fire in a brazier, if not in the warmth of the forges in the Mountain itself. Most of the furs that were in the Mountain have been brought out to keep him warm. Nevertheless he’s quite irritated about the fact that he is only allowed to get up to use the chamberpot, though that’s at least a step up from the bedpan.  
I can tell he’s ashamed that I have to care for him by cleaning out those… receptacles, but really, even as a bedridden invalid he’s still a King I would follow. He needs to stop being so ridiculous about it.  
#better his chamberpot than his grave #recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**8:55 pm**  
Bilbo presented the small bag that held the beads I had given him. He insisted that he had meant what he said and wished for me to return my braids to his hair. I asked if he was sure and he replied with a question of his own — if I remembered what he said to me when I first woke after the battle. I do not think I will ever forget his declaration of love and I told him so. He nodded once and assured that it was still true and would remain that way. He held the small bag closer to me and waited until I took hold of it. Once it was in my hand, he turned and sat so that I could more easily reach his hair without disturbing my wounds.  
It was some time before I could gather the strength needed, as I was quite touched by his words. When I did begin braiding his curls, I was reminded of the first that I had done so, in Lake-town. Much has changed since then, but I still feel the same awe has when I realized that he is my One.  
#the restoration 

**9:10PM** Thorin has braided his beads back into my hair. It took him some effort to sit up, as we must not disturb his still-healing ribs, and he did end up being propped on practically every single cushion available in the tent, but it happened, and it feels like a strange yet welcome weight against my head once more, like I am entering a new house to see if I can call it home.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**9:40 pm**  
I can feel sleep pulling at me. I am sure Bilbo can see my fatigue, as he has been humming his lullaby for several minutes now, no doubt trying to lure me to sleep faster. I will not fight it as I would have before. There are many things that require me to be returned to my feet and previous strength and I will use any way that I can to heal as quickly as possible. Besides, Bilbo’s hand is gripping my own, a ritual that has formed in the past few days and it is a comfort, knowing that he is there as I abandon myself to sleep.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**10:12PM** Thorin is asleep again. He has been sleeping for about ten to twelve hours each night, which is much better than those times in which he wouldn’t sleep because of night terrors. His beard also seems shorter; I think he must have had it trimmed earlier today. That might have been why I saw Dwalin going to his tent with a pouch and a very grim expression on his face.  
As a King, he would have the most to mourn for.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #brawnsdwarf #amrâlimê

* * *

### December 3rd, 2015

#### Bilbo

 **8:13AM** It is strange to wake to the feeling of braids in my hair once more. I wonder how soon it will become a part of me, how soon I will be able to learn the braids for myself. And when I look next to me to see Thorin lying there, still sleeping but so very much _alive_ , I wonder if I’d even make a good Consort. Thorin thinking I will be is one thing, but what of others? Others who do not know what has passed between us?  
I do not _doubt_ my decisions, but I still wonder at them.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **10:11AM** Thorin has awoken, mostly because his cousin Dáin has brought some letters for him to approve. I had to step outside to give them their privacy, but I could hear them talking about supplies and provisions. Apparently our current stores will only last us through the end of the month, especially when we factor in the Feast of Lights and all of the refugees in Lake-town. I know the Elves and Men are trying to add in what they can through their river trade, but with the river and the lake starting to freeze the provisions from the Forest are being delayed.  
Still, better than nothing, I suppose.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #irondwarf

#### Thorin

**10:30 am**  
I awoke to Bilbo’s voice calling my name, informing me that Dáin was there and asking for me. I knew of his presence without Bilbo having to tell me, however, given the volume of his voice. He did not seem to mind that I had only just woken, and came to my bedside with a greeting. I saw Bilbo slip quietly away and out of the tent. Based on how Dáin’s gaze flickered to the tent’s door, I believe he noticed as well.  
Dáin showed me letters that he had written and wished for me to approve. Some were to his forces back in the Iron Hills — requests for more supplies to be brought to the reclaimed mountain along with a call for those who wished to take up residence within Erebor. Dáin explained the large amount of provisions being asked for was due to our current supplies dwindling faster than had originally been planned for, due to the Men being provided for within the mountain. He said that the Elves were helping as they could but with winter approaching, the river and lake had begun to freeze, cutting off their usual supply route.  
Once I had fully shaken myself awake, I read through the letter and found nothing worth arguing against. I asked when he believed these additional supplies and Dwarves would arrive and Dáin estimated that they would be here within four to five weeks time, depending on how quickly the snow begins to stick to the ground.  
The second set of letters was addressed to my sister, Dís, in the Blue Mountains. It was a cheerful letter that spoke of Erebor having been reclaimed and it welcomed those who had been exiled from the mountain before back to their home. Dáin turned my earlier question around to me and asked if I knew how long it would take them to arrive, as they had much farther to travel. With a caravan as large as I was imagining, I estimated that we would not see them until the beginning of summer, at the earliest. They would have to go around Mirkwood, as such a large group could not take the path through the forest, not to mention how long it would take them to travel across the Misty Mountains.  
With the letters approved of, Dáin left to send them off. Even though it has just happened, the letters felt like something out of a dream. Erebor, reclaimed at last. My people, who have been exiled from their home for so long, were finally being welcomed back.  
#the restoration #Dáin #my sister #amrâlimê

**10:56AM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Do you know how Dain feels about your relationship with Thorin at all?**  
I don’t think he trusts me entirely, as I did steal a Dwarvish cultural treasure and symbol of power and tried to use it as a bargaining chip. I don’t blame his suspicion, though I don’t think he’s a danger, as he is a very fair and effective leader and defers most major decisions to Thorin, when he can catch him awake.  
#ask #anonymous #irondwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**11:15 am**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I have a illness of the mind that I have to live with as well although it is not like yours it is still something that's a daily struggle to go by and what helps me is going day by day and remembering the ones you love and love you and that even if there is a slip up they will still love you and as long as you are still fighting and still living that's all that matters. You are a good person I believe that with all my heart Thorin**  
I am happy to hear that you have those who love and support you. I do as well, but I have hurt them all greatly and I do not know if the trust that I broke is something that I can gain back or if I deserve to gain it back. Thank you for your belief in me, however. It is well appreciated.  
#ask #anonymous

**11:45AM** Fíli and Kíli have informed me that Dáin is going to send ravens to ask for more supplies from the Iron Hills, and also to send for their cousin Thorin Stonehelm.  
“We call him Thorinîth so that we don’t confuse him for Indâd,” said Kíli.  
“Though, given the colour of his hair, it’s only Kee who confuses them,” added Fíli.  
“Why is he called Stonehelm? Is that also to distinguish between the two?” I asked.  
The two of them laughed at that. “Amad says he’s called Stonehelm because he was dropped on his head a lot as a kid,” said Kíli.  
I can’t say that I look forward to handling two Thorins. One is quite enough, thank you.  
#recoveryblogging #thing 1 #thing 2 #irondwarf #other thorin

 **11:50AM** Fíli and Kíli have also informed me that their mother Dís has also been sent for, and that she will surely arrive in the spring, maybe with other families from the Ered Luin. I have heard stories of Thorin’s sister and must admit that I am curious to meet her. I wonder if she has golden hair like Fíli, or darker hair like Kíli and Thorin.  
#recoveryblogging #thing 1 #thing 2 #sisterdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**12:30 pm**  
Balin has come to see me. Like Dwalin yesterday, it is the first time I have spoken with him since the initial greeting from the entire company when I first awoke. Unlike Dwalin, however, Balin did not enter with a grim expression, but a calm one similar to what he usually wears. I can tell that it is a bit strained but he speaks with the same kindness in his voice as he always has.  
I said to him as well how truly sorry I was for my actions. He has been at my side since before Erebor fell and I have always relied on and trusted him. I told him how I regretted having thrown that trust aside and that I know that I hurt him in doing so. Balin nodded along with my words before speaking. He said that he agreed with all that I had said but that he was so very happy to see me as myself once again.  
Our talk moved on to what was happening outside of my tent. He reported that the people of Lake-town have moved into the mountain while Dale is being rebuilt. Most have joined in helping the cleaning effort while others are pitching in to aid the cooking staff or the healers. Balin says that the Men helped to bring Smaug’s victims to the burial chamber and had all been quite respectful during the ordeal. Balin also reported that due to winter’s approach and the cold weather, the forges have been relit to provide heat. There was a glassy sheen to his eyes as he told of watching the fires be restarted, how the light of the flames danced on the walls, not as brightly as he remembered just yet, but enough to reassure him that Erebor was truly on its way to being restored. Then there was a hesitation in Balin’s report and I knew at once what topic lay on his mind. So I spoke before he did and asked of the treasury. Balin assured that none of the Men had made off with any of it. I said that I would not blame them if they pocketed some coins and that had not been why I had asked. He wondered at my true intention and I admitted to my fear that once I was within the mountain again, near the gold, that the sickness would reclaim me. Balin did not speak for some time and I knew that he held a similar fear.  
Before he could voice anything about it, however, Bilbo entered the tent with lunch. He seemed slightly surprised to see Balin but they greeted each other as usual and Balin agreed to stay for lunch. I did not realize that a tension had begun to build within the tent until Bilbo had stepped in to break it, though some of it still lingers in my chest.  
#the restoration #balin #dwalin #amrâlimê

**12:45PM** Balin was visiting Thorin when I arrived with lunch. I had offered to leave, but Balin insisted I join them, especially as I was bringing food. Thorin agreed, though his expression still seems withdrawn, as if he had been thinking of something that was upsetting him.  
#recoveryblogging #brainsdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**1 pm**  
_Mirkwood-spider-express asked:_  
**"Even though it has just happened, the letters felt like something out of a dream. Erebor, reclaimed at last. My people, who have been exiled from their home for so long, were finally being welcomed back." You made it happen, Thorin. So proud of you!**  
Thank you but I was not the only one on the quest, nor did I truly make it happen. It was with the help of Bilbo, the company, and Bard killing Smaug that has given my home back to my people. If anything, I nearly lost Erebor with my foolishness and weakness.  
#ask #mirkwood-spider-express #amrâlimê #the company #bard

**1:12PM** I have taken the opportunity to ask Balin more about Iklaladranamrâg and the Feast of Lights. Balin told me about the candles that gave the Feast of Lights its name, arranged in the shape of the stars of Durin’s crown, as well as the tradition of giving presents — though Bombur had already alluded to the presents thing, as he told me about the foods that he was crafting for each of the Company when I asked him about the Feast yesterday.  
I still have no idea what I would do. Hobbits give presents during the six festival days of Yuletide, especially on the last night, but that is later in the month. I wonder if I could make such an excuse to the Company, though, as I imagine it’d be dreadfully rude to show up to the Feast empty-handed.  
#recoveryblogging #brainsdwarf #bigdwarf #the company

**2 pm**  
With our lunch finished, Bilbo and Balin left to return to their duties. The talk the three of us shared over our meals had been mostly cheerful, mainly focused on Iklaladranamrâg and the approaching Feast of Lights. Bilbo asked for more details about it which Balin was happy to provide. I am pleased to see that, as far as I am aware, the company seems to hold no ill will against Bilbo.  
I can see that Balin doubts me in regards to the treasure and I do not blame him for the lost of trust. I wonder if Bilbo holds the same doubts.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #balin #the company

**2:15PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I adore the tags you have for everyone you meet! How would you describe your sense of humor? (I still haven't decided how I feel about Thorin's rock puns...)**  
I am quite proud of my wit; it’s not so big that it will harm others, but not insubstantial either. It usually comes when called for, though the cold has shrivelled it somewhat, and best of all, Thorin has deemed it as fine a wit as any in Middle-earth.  
#ask #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**2:25 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I too have suffered illness of the mind. Being aware of your weaknesses to it is half the battle. You are not like your grandfather because you know you are capable of falling prey to the madness. You won't let it take you again, Thorin Oakenshield. You have come too close to losing everything and you have been given the second chance you rightfully deserve. You will work hard and you will redeem yourself. The world is brighter with you in it.**  
I am enough like my grandfather to have been taken by the sickness once before. And it seems that I am not the only one worried about will happen once I am within the mountain again. Once I am allowed to leave this bed, I plan to work to make up for the wrongs I have committed. I only hope it will be enough.  
#ask #anonymous #my grandfather

**2:30PM** Balin offered to walk me back to the kitchens after lunch. I agreed, though I didn’t need his help carrying the dishes. But his intentions became clear once we were out of earshot, as he told me about his concerns for Thorin’s well-being once we finally moved him into the Mountain, as we could not keep him out here forever.  
I asked him why he was so willing to trust me with these concerns, as my theft of the Arkenstone had inflicted grief and misery upon the rest of the Company. His eyes twinkled knowingly and he said that he maintained his position — the Arkenstone was not good for Thorin. He would prefer it to be buried with the fallen, preserved and remembered as a symbol of the folly of Durin’s Folk.  
I asked him if _he_ personally thought that the rest of the hoard would lure His Majesty back out. Balin shrugged and said that not even the wisest can see all the ends. “When we relocate him”, he said, “we must keep an eye on him and his behaviour.” I agreed.  
#recoveryblogging #brainsdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #the company

**2:45 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I don't think you'll fall to the sickness again, Thorin. You know the signs and how to break through it now.**  
I pray that you are right. Thank you for your faith in me.  
#ask #anonymous

**3 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Thorin, may I just say: you rock!!**  
I have been trying to interpret your message but I am sorry to admit that I do not fully understand, though I have the feeling it was meant to be kind. If so, thank you.  
#ask #anonymous

**3:30 pm**  
Fíli came into the tent briefly. I asked if he could bank the fire somewhat, as I was finding it too warm. He did so, though he commented that the tent did not feel overly warm, not more so than it had in the last few days. I said that it most likely due to him having just come from outside, so his perception of the temperature was affected. He thought about that for a moment before agreeing that that was most likely the reason and then left the tent once again. I know that there is still some time before I will be allowed to move around on my own, much less leave the tent, but I find that I am greatly looking forward to it.  
#the restoration #my sister children

**3:41PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**If it is of any help, I think you'll make a wonderful Consort. You're naturally quite level-headed, you're sensible and brave, but intelligent and seem very good with people and their needs generally. Anything you don't know i expect you'll learn quick enough, and if the Company likes you and Thorin loves you, anyone else will surely see that merit and see you for the good person you are.**  
Thank you for your words of reassurance. I suppose we shall see how this progresses.  
#ask #anonymous #the company #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**4:15 pm**  
Though Fíli banked the fire earlier, I afind atht I still nfeel overheated, as fif a fdire is creeping through me. Yet my hands dna body shake as if from the ccold. it has only jsut bescome dark outside, but I cannn already feel sleep dragnging me under.  
#the restoration #my sister children

**4:42PM** I briefly checked in on Thorin after tending to some more preparations for the Feast for Bombur. He is already asleep, though Óin must have come in to refresh his bandages before he fell asleep.  
I have changed out the herbs and added more fuel to his brazier, and tucked him into his furs a little more securely.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #bigdwarf #trumpetdwarf

 **4:44PM**  
_Leienlawliet asked:_  
**Maybe you should go and check on Thorin right now, I fear he might be feverish! Good day Mr Baggins!**  
I have checked in on him. He is warm, but I don’t think it’s a fever.  
#ask #leienlawliet #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **4:52PM**  
_Mirkwood-spider-express asked:_  
**Sorry to disturb you that late in the evening, but do you think you or Oin could have another look at Thorin? He sounded a bit feverish in his last post (ask Fili, he was around). Maybe I am worrying too much, but just in case? Thank you!**  
Like I said, he’s warm, but no more than usual. I’ll have Fíli take another look, for your comfort.  
#ask #trumpetdwarf #thing 1 #mirkwood-spider-express #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **5:14PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Maybe you should stay with thorin right now. Go see him. Stay with him till he awakens again**  
He’s fine. I asked Fíli to watch over him, as I still have some things to tend to with Bombur.  
#ask #thing 1 #bigdwarf #not that i don't worry for him but these rations are not going to distribute themselves #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **5:22PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**'Though Fíli banked the fire earlier, I afind atht I still nfeel overheated, as fif a fdire is creeping through me. Yet my hands dna body shake as if from the ccold. it has only jsut bescome dark outside, but I cannn already feel sleep dragnging me under.' I don't wish to unduly alarm you, but Thorin's latest update seems a bit feverish to me. Perhaps it would be a good idea to get Oin to check him over? Just in case.**  
Fíli will inform Óin of any situation.  
#ask #anonymous #thing 1 #trumpetdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **5:59PM** Fíli has just run into the kitchens and told me to follow him. Something’s wrong.  
#recoveryblogging #thing 1

 **8:01PM** It is Thorin. He has become feverish and delirious. Óin checked his wounds and found that some of them had become infected, so we have had to tend to those wounds. I am measuring Thorin’s body heat with the thermoscope as per Óin’s instructions, as we are to move him inside with all the other patients should his temperature stray into the dangerously high areas.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #that worrisome asshole #amrâlimê #trumpetdwarf

 **9:26PM** I am almost sick myself worrying over this sudden unfortunate turn in events. It would only be too cruel for the Gods of the West to reclaim his soul just when I thought he had returned to me.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that worrisome asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #please don't leave me

 **11PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Do you ever plan on going back to the shire? If so or not so, why or why not?**  
Yes, I plan to leave when Thorin is healed or in the spring, whichever arrives first. I’ve been away from Bag End for too long and I imagine they must think me dead by now. I also intend to make sure that, should I decide to move to Erebor, or even just move between the two for some time, that my smial doesn’t fall into the hands of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.  
#ask #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #spoon thief #Anonymous

* * *

### December 4th, 2015

#### Bilbo

 **1:21AM** I must have fallen asleep at my post by Thorin’s sickbed, as I have just woken from a night-terror in which his hand was too cold to the touch and his chest was too still with the frost of death.  
I know a too-high body temperature is not a good thing, but this contrast at least reminds me that he is _alive_.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that worrisome asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **3:08AM** The Elvenking has come to check on Thorin. He and Óin talked in hushed whispers for a long while outside the tent before finally Óin poked his head in and said that come sunrise, we would move Thorin into the Mountain. He also suggested that I catch some sleep, but I find that I cannot succumb to sleep as easily as I could before, for fear of my last night-terror returning to haunt me.  
#recoveryblogging #elvenking #trumpetdwarf #that asshole #that worrisome asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **5:32AM** Thorin’s skin feels a white-hot forge beneath my fingers. He is muttering nonsense in his sleep, shifting constantly and trying to kick away his furs. The air smells of pus and sweat, though his infected wounds have already been cleaned.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #that worrisome asshole #amrâlimê

 **6:09AM** They are starting to prepare the litter to move Thorin into the Mountain. It is still dark outside, but the dark is lightening.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #that worrisome asshole #amrâlimê

 **6:45AM** I have not slept all this while. Instead I am pacing the tent trying to group supplies together so that the move is easier for all of us. Óin says that while the infirmary does have rooms set aside for the royal family, Thorin will not be moved into one of those. Firstly because they are in need of a good cleaning, and secondly because Óin wants to keep a close eye on him.  
#recoveryblogging #trumpetdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #that worrisome asshole #amrâlimê

 **7:42AM** They’ve successfully moved Thorin into the Mountain. I’ve been tasked with pressing cool cloths to his forehead to try and help keep his temperature under control, and monitoring said temperature with the thermoscope every half an hour. His bandages have also been changed and his wounds re-cleaned. Now we must wait for the fever to break and hope that it’s not too late.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #that worrisome asshole #amrâlimê

 **8:04AM** Thorin is saying strange things in his sleep. Most words are things I cannot make out, as they are either in Khuzdul or simply too jumbled together to be intelligible. But I think I caught my name once or twice.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #that worrisome asshole #amrâlimê

 **10:14AM** Thorin’s fever has broken.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **10:49AM** Bombur has graciously granted me the day off, knowing that I must tend to Thorin. His expression is placid, but I can tell he still remembers what His Majesty did to him, and he is not likely to forget.  
Bombur is like an oliphaunt, so quiet and large and patient but never, ever forgetting anything ever done for or against him.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **11:15AM** The infirmary is near the kitchens, which means we get our food first out of all of the rest of the inhabitants of the Mountain. The patients of the infirmary are separated into sections of Dwarves, Elves, and Men, and the Elves treat both themselves and the Men, leaving the Dwarves to be tended to by Óin and some healers who travelled with Dáin’s company. Some of the more seriously-injured patients, such as Thorin, occasionally have an Elf checking in on them, but for the most part everyone sticks to their own.  
I asked Óin why this was so, and he told me that it was because Dwarves suffered from different types of illnesses than Men and had some differences in physiology that most of the Elven healers are largely unfamiliar with. There is a fear that some of the Dwarvish illnesses might be fatal to other patients — especially Men, as Elves do not get sick.  
Also because of this, Óin has refused to let me sleep in a cot next to Thorin’s bed, and insists that I join the Company in the old guardhouse on the battlements. In the meantime, I will keep to my chair at Thorin’s side, Dwarvish illnesses be damned.  
#recoveryblogging #trumpetdwarf #irondwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #the company

#### Thorin

**12:30 pm**  
I am in the mountain, in Erebor. I do not remember being moved inside. Bilbo is here and he said that I had a fever, though it broke a few hours ago. He also says that my wound had to be cleaned out because of the infection that had grown in it. That would explain why it feels raw once again.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**12:45 pm**  
_Griffonskies asked:_  
**...you're getting a fever aren't you?**  
Yes, it would seem that I had unfortunately developed a fever.  
#ask #griffonskies

**1:20 pm**  
Óin has informed me of what happened. The wound that Bolg inflicted on me became infected and resulted in my development of a fever. I was moved into the mountain so that I was closer to the heat, as the cold outside was not helping. My fever has broken, which is why my mind feels clearer, though I still feel exhaustion throughout my body. My wound, which had before begun to grow a thin layer of skin and had begun to close, has been reopened to clean the infection out. Óin told me that the infection has pushed my healing time back, which means that I will be stuck on bedrest for even longer than what had originally been hoped for.  
I know that infections happen, despite preventions against them, yet I still feel frustration at myself, as if I could have done something to stop it. I am eager to join those who are cleaning Erebor and working to restore it.  
#the restoration #oin

**1:35 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Thorin, if you're still awake, perhaps it would be a good idea to ask Oin to give you a quick check up? It sounds as if you might be feverish, with the wounds you've had inflicted upon you, that doesn't sound very healthy at all.**  
Thank you for the warning, though I had already fallen asleep, I believe, when this came in. Óin has already seen to my wounds and says that the infection is being taken care of and Bilbo is here to keep an eye on me in case something else happens.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê #oin

**1:56PM** Thorin woke around noon. I was so relieved to see his eyes open that I might have forgotten where we were and kissed him, though it was brief, and I quickly resumed mopping his forehead after it. I also fed him his lunch — more porridge, though this time accompanied by ginger tea. He grimaced at the spiciness, most likely because he’s had nothing but bland food for months on end.  
Now that things are well I can feel my eyelids growing heavy. It is all I can do to keep my eyes open long enough to report this.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**2:10 pm**  
I do not remember much from my fever sleep except for flashes of memory of when Erebor fell. Perhaps it was due to my body being overheated but I felt as if I was surrounded in dragonfire. It was almost a shock to wake within Erebor, not to fire, but to the murmur of voices, the hum of the forges, and a cool cloth against my forehead and Bilbo’s face above mine.  
Bilbo is asleep now, beside my cot with his head lolled against the back of the chair he is seated in. I am loath to wake him, as judging by the bags under his eyes, he has not slept all night. I have taken his hand in my own, as it is still a comfort, despite his grip being loose in sleep.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**2:45 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**'Thorin, may I just say: you rock!!' 'I have been trying to interpret your message but I am sorry to admit that I do not fully understand, though I have the feeling it was meant to be kind. If so, thank you.' Perhaps they meant to participate in rock puns with you? Either way, I agree it sounds as if it is kindly meant.**  
Ah, I see. Unfortunately, I believe some difference in our ways of speaking have prevented me from understanding the joke.  
#ask #anonymous

**3 pm**  
Bilbo came awake, though not fully. Just enough to sit up and grimace, as I am sure his neck protested against the position it was stuck in against the chair. His eyes were not even fully open when he leaned forward and laid his head next to my own on my pillow. He is bent double and I am sure his back will not appreciate such a position, but I am quite pleased with having him so close. The calming sound of his slow breathing is nearly enough to lure me back to sleep, though as usual, my focus is drawn in fascination to his features. It makes my chest swell to see my beads shining in his hair once again, lit by the torchlight.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**3:30 pm**  
Fíli and Kíli came to check on me as well as Bilbo. They both have cots set up near my own, but have been taking advantage of being allowed to walk around. They kept their talk with me brief, as Bilbo still sleeps beside me. I asked what they had been doing, as they are not yet allowed any sort of heavy work, so as to protect their still healing wounds. Fíli says that they have both been spending time with the other company members while also entertaining various patients with stories from the quest. Kíli said that they had to have told the tale of the trolls at least a dozen times by now, though they did not seem upset by this.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #my sister children

**3:50 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Have you apologized to Bombur?**  
I have not had a chance to apologize to Bombur individually. Besides when the company first greeted me awake, I have seen little of them. I understand their distrust and hesitation of me and do not blame them for it. When I am able to, I will go to Bombur and apologize, as he deserves.  
#ask #anonymous #bombur #the company

**4:10 pm**  
I did not realize just how much I missed the sound of the forges until now. I knew that I longed to hear them again, but to be able to close my eyes and have the hum surround me… I know that Erebor is reclaimed, can see it with my own eyes but it is things such as the song of the forges that is truly reminding me and making it seem real, no longer just a dream.  
#the restoration

**5:15 pm**  
Even though he is asleep in an odd position, Bilbo still drools in his sleep. I have noticed that he only does so when sleeping close to me. When in a cot or bedroll on his own, I have not seen any sign of drool, yet as soon as he is placed close to me, it begins. I had grown used to waking to find a patch of my clothing wet when we frequently shared a bedroll. But during my madness and since the battle, we have not slept close enough for his habit to show up. To see it now, I cannot keep the smile from my face. It feels like more proof that we have regained the ease that was present between us before.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**5:29PM** I must have fallen asleep at my chair at Thorin’s bedside, though at some point I had determined to steal a portion of the pillow under his head and he had not complained about it. My back feels stiff from having slept in such a terrible position, though I can’t say that I regret having done it at all.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**5:45 pm**  
Bilbo has awoken, bleary eyed and cheek caked in drool. He glared at my smile while he wiped it away, though I can see the twitch of his lips. I asked in a jesting manner if drooling was a common way for Hobbits to mark their territory. He snorted in reply, and said, “As if your beads and braids in my hair aren’t exactly the same thing.”  
I could not help but laugh, though I inquired if he saw my beads as similar to drool.  
“A more socially acceptable and public form of it, yes.”  
This time, he joined me in laughter.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**6:43PM** Ori brought in our suppers, looking very pleased to see me and telling me about his new job categorising the library. He had less words for Thorin, though, muttering a quick ‘get better soon’ before shuffling off. I suppose there’s not much else to say when one doesn’t wish to discuss the events leading up to the battle, which I hear is already being called the Battle of the Five Armies.  
#recoveryblogging #scribedwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**7 pm**  
Ori appeared to deliver supper to Bilbo and I, though he did not stay long other than to briefly talk with Bilbo. He wished me well as he left, though he could barely meet my eye. The wrongs that I committed are always on my mind, but Ori’s fear of me, even my own kin speaking little to me, makes the weight of the guilt in my heart all the heavier.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #ori

**7:35 pm**  
_Suchagreatdestiny asked:_  
**Thorin, I know you want to go to each of the company members individually, but it might be a while until you're fit to be up and about. What if, when you are feeling up to it, you call each of them in to speak to you privately? I can tell that this matter weights heavy on you, and I feel like you will not feel better until you "make amends". Speedy healing to you, Thorin!**  
I would not wish to call them away from their duties and work. As I am the one who wronged them, it is my responsibility to seek them out and apologize.  
#ask #suchagreatdestiny #the company

**8:25PM** Óin has handed me a cloth so that I may help clean Thorin’s hair, as it has gotten quite messy and matted with sweat during his fever. The cloth is saturated with a tonic that will help clean his hair, and all I have to do is make sure I rub it in and then quickly comb out the snarls after.  
#recoveryblogging #trumpetdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **8:43PM** I have cleaned Thorin’s hair, and I fear that I might have caused him more pain that intended because of all the new snarls in his hair. But it was worth it, I suppose, for the whispered instructions on how to rebraid his hair afterwards.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**9:10 pm**  
I am not allowed to bathe, so as to keep damage from the wound in my side. However, despite my inactivity, the days following the battle, as well as my fever, have not been kind and even Bilbo commented on the smell around me. Óin and the other healers have taken cloths to my skin to clean away the dirt and blood from the battle and Bilbo had cleaned my face of the sweat that built up during my fever sleep. But I was overly aware of the itch in my scalp and the state of my hair.  
In an effort to help me, Bilbo asked Óin if there was a way to have my hair cleaned. Óin presented Bilbo with a cloth that has been soaked in a tonic designed for situations such as these. He instructed Bilbo to rub the tonic through my hair, then comb through it to ensure that the tangles and oils that have built up were removed. Óin helped Bilbo to shift me further up the cot, so that it was easier for Bilbo to access all of my hair.  
Once he began, I admit, I fell into a sort of haze. I could hear him apologize when the comb would snag on a particularly strong tangle but I was too distracted by the feeling of his fingers against my scalp, pulling apart knots with care. He had to undo my braids so as to clean them, and when he laid the beads on my chest, it brought me out of the haze I had fallen into. I stared up at him, watching the determination in his features. He caught my gaze several times, smiling slightly each time before returning his focus to his work.  
By the time that he finished, I was nearly lulled to sleep. I have stayed awake enough to instruct him on how to braid my hair back to how it was, but pull of sleep is strong. I can still feel the sensation of Bilbo’s fingers against my scalp, though his hand is in my own.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #oin

**9:56PM** It is odd to be in the warmth of the Mountain and hear it humming in the back of my mind, like some great living creature of stone and fire whose heartbeat are the now relit forges. I wonder if this is something Thorin heard often in his youth, before Smaug’s attack.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

### December 5th, 2015

#### Bilbo

 **8:42AM** I could not leave this morning without granting Thorin his good morning kiss, as we had agreed upon in Lake-town. He did, however, keep me a little longer than I had expected, which was a little mortifying considering all of the other people in the ward. Surely tongues will wag, if they haven’t already.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

#### Thorin

**9:15 am**  
When I awoke, it was to the sound of movement all around me. While in the tent, I could hear the comings and goings of any who passed by the tent but within Erebor, I feel that the sound is amplified. I can also see those around me now — the healers and those cleaning, Men asking for directions and Dwarves shouting instructions. I can hear the forges still breathing in the distance.  
Amid all of this, Bilbo was quiet and still at my side. When he noticed that I had woken, he smiled and stood, moving the chair he had been seated in out of the way. I asked if he had slept in the chair all night, and he admitted that he had. Then Bilbo stood at the side of my cot, greeted me with a ‘good morning,’ leaned down, and pressed a kiss to my lips. I reached a hand up to keep him closer for longer, and when at last he stood straight again, there was a red flush to his face.  
Though I had no complaints about his actions, I could not help but ask Bilbo what had spurred on his morning greeting, as I was sure he had stayed beside my cot for some time, specifically waiting for me to wake. He then reminded me of the rule made between us in Lake-town — that our mornings were to start with a kiss.  
He has already departed to continue help with the preparations for the Feast of Lights, yet I cannot seem to banish the smile from my face.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**9:26AM** Bombur is making me figure out the dish lineup for the first night of the Feast of Lights. We are making this one the most extravagant of the eight nights of the Feast, as the other nights will only have lighter fare as people congregate to light the candles before splitting off into family and friend groups, and the eighth night is a night of fasting and remembrance.  
The task should not be as daunting as it feels right now.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

**10:30 am**  
While I still am not pleased with being bound to this cot for the foreseeable future, it is more bearable now that I can see what is going on around me. I can now watch the healers go between the patients, some who are sitting up and talking easily with one another, and some whose conditions are worse than my own.  
There are Men and Dwarves discussing things together. I believe that they are organizing teams to clean a chosen section of nearby areas. I remember exploring the rooms with Bilbo and wonder at how far they have already gotten, the things that they have unearthed, left here so long ago.  
Though I cannot see the kitchens from where I am, I can see Elves heading in the direction of them, pushing carts with what looks to be greens and grains. I know from Dáin's requests to his forces back in the Iron Hills that our supplies are low. With the Feast of Lights approaching, even I can feel the worry coming from the kitchens.  
#the restoration

**11:16AM** I overheard talk between some of the other workers in the kitchens about me. Someone was wondering if I should be trusted. Bombur reprimanded them, saying that I was his friend and I was very trustworthy, though that someone then rejoined by pointing out that I stole the Arkenstone to barter for peace.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

**11:45 am**  
Óin came to check on the dressing of my wound and to be sure that the infection had not returned. He asked me if I felt overheated at all or any other discomfort. I told him that I had no complaints, other than wishing to be free of my cot. Óin pointedly looked at my wound before saying that it would be some time before it was healed enough for me to walk around. I said that I understood that well enough, but knowing that did not stop me from wishing to go around Erebor, to help in its restoration.  
At my talk of Erebor, I could see Óin's features tighten. His questions then turned to how I felt, not of body, but of mind. He asked if anything had changed, now that I had been moved within the mountain. I knew what he was truly asking — if the dragon sickness had returned. I know that I am not the only one to hold the fear that it will eventually, but I told him truthfully that my mind was my own. He seemed pleased by that, but I could still see the worry around his eyes. I am sure he saw the same worry in mine as well.  
#the restoration #oin

**12:07PM** The questions about me have turned to questions about Thorin and me. Evidently tongues have indeed wagged about the good morning kiss. These Dwarves certainly have heard about it, and of course they doubt my suitability as a _partner_ for Thorin, much less a Consort.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**12:30 pm**  
What if the sickness does return? Will I be able to recognize it for what it is or will it creep into my thoughts again, change who I am? Even looking back, it is sometimes hard to tell where my thoughts ended and the whispers of the sickness began. I do not wish to fear Erebor or myself within it. But even I do not know if I can be trusted within these halls.  
#the restoration

**1:16PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**How do you think people in The Shire would react if they knew about you relationship with Thorin? Would they see it as a bad thing?**  
I’m not sure what would shock them more: the fact that Thorin is male, a Dwarf, or a King.  
#ask #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **1:55PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**which fact out of those three you mentioned on your ask about the shire reacting to thorin do you think your relative Lobelia would get stuck with? Have a good day Mr Boggins!**  
The Dwarf part, I think. I mean, she would probably worry about the male part, too, but at least that is more common in the Shire than marrying a Dwarf. It’s no secret in our family that Uncle Isengrim is a confirmed bachelor, after all.  
#ask #anonymous #spoon thief #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **1:58PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**What complete and utter rubbish! I'm sure you won't, but take no heed of the gossips, Bilbo. They don't know you or Thorin to say whether you're right for one another or not, and even if they did know you both well; what business is it of theirs? If it's any help; I'm positive you have the full support of the Company, not to mention us folk here. You and Thorin seem good for eachother, you bolster one another and compliment the other well, an excellent pair if ever there was one.**  
Thank you for your words of support.  
#ask #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #the company

**2 pm**  
Dwalin came to see me once again, though this time his expression was less grim and he brought lunch. He began with a jest, asking if I ever planned to rise from my cot or if I had gotten too comfortable in it. I assured him that I was simply waiting for the Elves to leave, as their presence was what was truly causing me ill.  
Our talk stayed light for a time until I inquired as to what he had been doing around the mountain as of late. His expression closed off somewhat and he said that he was simply over-seeing the cataloguing of the treasury. I smiled, though we both knew it was strained, and said that I could think of no one finer for the job. He did not say more about it and while our conversation moved on, the tension that had grown did not disappear.  
When Dwalin gathered his things to leave, I thanked him for visiting. He said that while the Feast of Lights had not yet started, we were kin, after all, and once hearing of my fever, he had to check to be sure that I was well again. I assured him that I was and he departed, leaving me with his hopes of my speedy recovery.  
#the restoration #dwalin

**2:48PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Who of thorins nephews do you think is more like him?**  
Sister. _Children_. They are his sister- _children_. Kíli prefers to be referred to as ‘they’, therefore both they and Fíli are Thorin’s sister-children. Giver help me, if I had a gold coin for every time someone forced me to make such a statement, I could have bought the Shire by now.  
#probably fíli #though #thing 1 #thing 2 #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #ask #anonymous

**3:15 pm**  
Dwalin’s visit brought to mind the approach of the Feast of Lights. I had not forgotten about it, but with my recent fever and being within Erebor again, it had slipped to the back of my thoughts. Now, I feel it is all I can think about. Gifts are exchanged during the eight days of the Feast but I have nothing to offer my kin. I cannot even rise from bed to seek something to make or trade for them. The mountain moves with life around me but I must stay still amidst it all, to wait and heal.  
#the restoration #dwalin

**3:21PM** I cannot get their doubts out of my own head.  
#recoveryblogging

**4:12 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**You are not alone in this, Thorin. As I'm sure you well know. If not you, then I'm certain the others would recognise the warning signs of the sickness early enough now they've had experience with it, and be able to tell you. However, I firmly believe you would recognise it a second time around, or at least know it in yourself earlier and so hopefully be able to get help or stop yourself from taking the same path. Have faith in yourself and your friends, things will be better I'm sure.**  
I thank you for your faith in me but I believe this sickness will prove more difficult than that. It is an illness of the mind, one that crept up on me despite my knowledge of its possible existence. Though I have now experienced it does not mean I will be able to recognize it again nor if I will have the strength to fight it once again. And while my kin and those around me may wish to help, I do not know how they might. It is not an illness that a simple bandage may be applied to.  
#ask #anonymous

**4:31 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I realise Bilbo is very busy himself, but i wonder if he could maybe help with the gift problem? If he has any spare time maybe he could help you make or go and find something you think will be good for your kin.**  
While your suggestion is well intended, Bilbo is one that I would wish to present a gift to. It would rather spoil any sort of surprise to have him help in the creation of his own gift.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê

**4:45 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**then maybe your sister-children could help you making/finding some gifts? Both Fíli and Kíli like Bilbo very much, and I'm very sure they'd forgive their uncle for not having presents for them this year!**  
I wish to present my nanaddan with gifts as well, as I have done every year. And asking them to help create a gift for Bilbo and then to present them with nothing is not something I would wish to do.  
#ask #anonymous #my sister children #amrâlimê

**5:30 pm**  
Just as I watched groups of Men and Dwarves discuss what nearby areas to see to for cleaning this morning, I now watch them return. Their hair and clothes are coated in dust but their backs are straight from a day of successful work. None of them carry more than the tools they used to clean, though they surely must have found relics amongst the dust. Perhaps there are other teams that sort through and catalogue the objects found in the rooms cleaned. I wish fiercely to join them, to see what has survived these long years while my people have been exiled. What sat and gathered dust, waiting for us to return to find it.  
#the restoration

**5:53PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**They doubt you only because they don't know you yet, please don't take that to heart. Once they see what you are like and how much Thorin and the Company like and trust you, they'll be won over in no time, mark my words. If it really bothers you, you could strike up friendly conversation with these individuals or if the opportunity presents itself, help them out with their tasks. They would see your worth for themselves. Try not to dwell on it for now and simply take care of yourself and Thorin**  
Thank you for your words of encouragement.  
#ask #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #the company

 **5:56PM** Bombur approves of my dish list, though there are several dishes that may need to find another substitute for a binding agent other than egg, as we do not have enough in our stores for everything we intend to make. The cooking begins tomorrow, I think, and will finish in time for the feast. I am excited to begin, as some of the dishes scheduled for the Feast are ones I have never made before.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

 **6:04PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Master Baggins, those dwarves have absolutely no idea everything you and the Company went through to reclaim Erebor for them, and the fact that they could possibly claim you are not suited to Thorin only reveals their own ignorance! You have not a single follower of your account of your travels that does not wholeheartedly support your and Thorin's relationship. The two of you are, quite honestly, excellent influences on the other. Anyone who believes otherwise can (frankly) stuff it.**  
Thank you for your support. People will think what they wish, and I know my actions with the Arkenstone were not the most advisable. I just hope I can earn their respect in time.  
#ask #anonymous #the company #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **6:04PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**You both have gone through a lot (almost lost your lives!), you truly deserve to be with each other; don't worry about what others may think, it's no use dwelling about that.**  
Thank you for your encouragement.  
#ask #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**6:25 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**well, then you could still ask ... one of the elves or humans? They don't celebrate the Feast of Light, after all...**  
I do not know the Elves or the Men well enough to ask them such an intensely personal request.  
#ask #anonymous

**6:34 pm**  
_Ladykatana4544 asked:_  
**Do you mind if I ask what gifts that you have given your sister-children and your sibling(s) in the past for the celebration?**  
As presents for the Feast of Lights are best when they are created as a labor of love for both the recipient and the craft, I have forged my past presents for my family. My sister has appreciated the jewelry I have made for her in the past, especially my most recent gift of a gold necklace that had taken me the entire year to find enough material to make it with.  
As for my nanaddan, I once made a much younger Kíli a puzzle out of steel that they took a week to solve, and I was very proud of them when they figured it out.  
#ask #ladykatana4544 #my sister #my sister children

**6:35 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**You could try asking Thranduil?**  
Absolutely not.  
#ask #anonymous #I would rather die than ask him for help with such matters

**7 pm**  
Bilbo returned from the kitchens, bringing supper with him. However, I could tell something weighed on his mind, as his eyes were distant and his talk was distracted. I asked what was troubling him and he told me of the rumors he had overheard during the preparations, and of the accusations made against him. I felt both anger and regret fill me, as I knew that it was my own actions that led to his theft of the Arkenstone.  
Bilbo then suggested that we not continue in the manner that we had been but instead keep our relationship quiet for a time, at least until I can speak against the accusations made against him. I was the one to label him with the title of thief, so I must be the one to see it removed.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**7:16PM** I brought supper to Thorin. He asked me if I was unwell, as I seemed distracted. I told him of my concerns regarding the rumours about him and me, and suggested that we keep our relationship in the dark for a little while longer. He seemed a little disappointed, but agreed by pressing a kiss to my knuckles. I told him that wasn’t keeping things in the dark.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**8:25 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Flowers are one good way to go for a hobbit, just saying.**  
Yes, I am sure that flowers would be a decent present for Bilbo. However, it is winter and the land outside is still healing from Smaug’s presence. There are no flowers to be found in this area. Thank you for the suggestion, though.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê

**8:42PM** I have gone to the old guardhouse to catch up with the rest of the Company. Some of them I know what they have been up to, though others are more secretive about it. Nori insists he’s just satisfying his curiosity, but Ori tells me that he’s been leading expeditionary groups into the mountain in search of hidden resources. Gold, I imagine. As if we needed any more _gold_.  
#recoveryblogging #the company #pointydwarf #scribedwarf

**8:45 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Are poems or stories or songs at all acceptable as gifts for the Feast of Lights? A friend of mine once composed a piece of music for me as thanks during her convalescence following a long illness; perhaps that's something you could offer your loved ones.**  
As long as it is something made by the giver with love, than it is an acceptable gift. And while poems or stories is a fine idea, I am afraid that I do not have the time nor the poetic talent to create anything of that sort at this time.  
#ask #anonymous

**9:30 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**As someone with several mental illnesses that cause to me to be extremely paranoid, malicious and cruel, I can definitely understand what you went through. Unlike you, though, I will never get better. You are right in fearing its return and the way these things creep up on you but I want you to know that you're not alone and not despicable and sometimes, taking responsibility for our actions is all we can do.**  
Thank you for your understanding. I do not know if there is any way to 'get better' from this illness. But I know that I am fortunate to have kin who care for and support me. I am trying to make up for the wrongs that I have done and wish to take responsibility for my actions.  
And a reminder to you as well — please do not forget that you are not alone.  
#ask #anonymous

**9:45 pm**  
Exhaustion pulls at me but the worries in my mind are stronger and they keep me awake.  
Bilbo has long since retired to the guardhouse for the night, yet I am still overly aware of his missing presence beside me.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**10:09PM**  
[Reply to Thorin's post on 12/05/2015 9:45 pm]  
I miss you too, _dear_.  
#Go to sleep now #recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **10:10PM** It is a little drafty in the guardhouse, and the other Dwarves keep away from me, so I find myself shivering in my blanket more than I care to experience.  
Is it possible to miss someone this much, even when he is not that far away?  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**10:15 pm**  
[[Original Post]](https://quiterespectablyyours.tumblr.com/post/134628538672/it-is-a-little-drafty-in-the-guardhouse-and-the)  
I was just wondering the same thing, amrâlimê.  
#the restoration #please take your own advice #and sleep now #amrâlimê

**10:32PM**  
[Reply to Thorin's post on 12/05/2015 10:15 pm]  
Get better soon. I need my sunbaked brick wall to fall asleep with at night.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

* * *

### December 6th, 2015

#### Bilbo

 **8:03AM** Waking up by myself in the guardhouse is so strange. I have woken up to Thorin for such a long time that each morning I wake without him — without his smile, his kiss — feels unbearable.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

#### Thorin

**9:30 am**  
As has become the norm, I awoke to the sounds of movement around me. Those that are able to wake early do so, beginning their duties with the rise of the sun. Today marks the beginning of the Feast of Lights and I can see the added rush in the steps of those who pass by. Despite my injury, which I am truly beginning to loathe, I wish to rise from this cot and help in the preparations and restorations. I wish to prove that I am well, to both myself and to those around me.  
#the restoration

**9:50 am**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**If you have skill with wires and gems, perhaps you could craft flowers from metal and stone. It would be very symbolic.**  
This suggestion is a fine one and well intended but I am still on bedrest. Shaping wire and metal takes strength and puts a strain on a body, as my wound is still open. If I were to exert pressure onto something, there is a risk harming my still healing side. As for gems, Bilbo has already stated that he has no interest in them, fashioned into flowers or otherwise. Besides, I doubt that anyone would allow me anywhere near gems at this time.  
#ask #anonymous #amrâlimê

**10:15 am**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**maybe you could compose a lullaby, even if it's only music with no lyrics, I'm sure that would be a greatly appreciated gift.**  
Thank you for the suggestion. I could try, though I do not think my musical skill is good enough to compose something this last minute.  
#ask #anonymous

**10:22AM** Bo came into the kitchens to visit Bombur and see how the cooking is going. I have been tasked with making the dough for the doughnuts that will be part of the dessert for the evening. Bo wanted to swipe some, but I told him he would have to wait, as the dough in its current form did not taste very good. So Bo settled instead for trying to nab a batch of the potato pancakes that had just been made.  
#recoveryblogging #hatdwarf #bigdwarf

**10:45 am**  
With my current limitations, I find that I cannot think of something that I could make and present to my kin in time for the Feast of Lights later tonight. I know that with the circumstances of the recent battle and Erebor having just been reclaimed, that there is more thought being put to other things, but this is to be my nanaddan's first Iklaladranamrâg within Erebor, as well as the first time that Bilbo has ever experienced the celebration, as far as I am aware. I had hoped that something special could be done for it.  
#the restoration #my sister children

**11:52AM** Bombur is once again making some sort of meal from our seemingly endless supplies of cram. I have to admire his perseverance.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

**12 pm**  
Balin came to see me once again. He said that while Dwalin had assured him of my recovering health following my recent fever, he had wanted to come to see for himself that I was well. I told him that I was and he sat at my bedside for a while. We talked of what he had been doing recently — helping Dáin mostly, though he has led several cleaning teams around to nearby parts of the mountain.  
Our talk moved to the Feast of Lights and he inquired if I would be deemed well enough to attend. I have not asked Óin but I already know the answer and so told Balin that, no, I would not be at the Feast, though I wished him a joyous time during it. We talked more for a brief time before he admitted that he had to return to his duties. Before he left, I stopped him.  
I asked, if it came as no inconvenience to him, if he could possibly see about someone bringing me a block of wood and a carving knife. I confessed that I had no gifts prepared to present to Fíli nor Kíli, though I wished to give them something. Balin said that he would see what he could do and departed.  
#the restoration #balin #dwalin #dain #oin #my sister children

**12:23 pm**  
_Lumateranlibrarian asked:_  
**Perhaps you could acquire a harp, and play for Bilbo the songs you played in Rivendell all those months ago? I don't know how much exertion that would put on your wounds, but it doesn't seem to require much crafting, and I have a feeling Bilbo would enjoy it.**  
I appreciate your suggestion, but I cannot sit properly to play the Dwarvish harp for Bilbo, as it might damage my ribs.  
#ask #lumateranlibrarian #amrâlimê

**12:24 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Maybe you could give them all high end important jobs, permanently. Dwalin and Balin already do but such as Bomber could be the royal chef or something**  
From what I hear, Bombur has already taken on such responsibilities. I commend his initiative, and will offer him such a post when I recover – provided he is willing, of course.  
#ask #anonymous #bombur

**12:26PM** The potato pancakes came out well, considering the lack of egg. We have had to get creative because of the lack of eggs and other necessary items, but this dish, at least, looks and tastes excellent.  
#recoveryblogging

**12:45 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Is there an area of the mountain that you are looking forward to be restored more than others, now that the mountain is officially reclaimed and people are beginning to return to it?**  
It is hard to choose a specific area of the mountain that I wish to see restored more. It is the whole of Erebor that I want to see shine again. To see the forges with the flames burning full and bright, the crafting halls awash with the sound of creation, the song of the mines echoing through the walls. It is all one large body, a mass of lives breathing together, and to be asked to choose a singular part? I cannot do such a thing.  
#ask #anonymous

**1:30 pm**  
Dwalin approached me, though only briefly. He presented me with a block of recently stripped and cleaned wood and a solid carving knife. I could tell that he had been the one to clean and ready the wood for carving and I thanked him for that, and also for bringing it to me. He clapped me on the shoulder, though not as roughly as he has done in the past, and simply told me to not get any wood shavings into my wound.  
#the restoration #dwalin

**2 pm**  
Though it is only a block of wood, my thoughts feel more grounded now. Perhaps it is due to having a plan for something to work on, whereas before I was restless and filled with simply the urge to do _something_. The Feast of Lights begins after sundown and while it does not leave me with much time to do as much as I would wish, there is still daylight left to be used.  
#the restoration

**2:20 pm**  
_Griffonskies asked:_  
**I'm sure you already have an idea what you will gift to your closest. So here's an idea for a "gift" to add to it. See if you can organize to spend time with them, an afternoon, an evening, tell a story, play a game, tell them how much being here with them means to you and so on. I'm quite sure you had every intention of doing similar, but what I'm getting at is that, I generally find, memories spent with loved ones tend to eclipse any gift received. Take care.**  
I try to spend as much time as I am able with those close to me. At the moment, my own mobile limitations keep me from seeing them. Once I am able to, however, I do intend to be with them.  
#ask #griffonskies

**2:30 pm**  
_Leienlawliet asked:_  
**Have you thought about origami presents? they are easy to make! folding papers to create something doesn't need you to be strong, nor you need to sit down, and there are lots of things you can create with them, animals, plants, cubes, hearts.... You can always ask for someone to bring them to you. There's also the posibility of knitting or crotcheting something with wool! May your rest go well! ♥**  
I do not think, given the recent circumstances, that the materials for those projects are easily available, though I do thank you for the suggestion. I do recall how to knit, as Dori taught me some time ago, but once again, the supplies that I could get at the moment are rather limited.  
#ask #leienlawliet #dori

**3:15 pm**  
Óin has come to check on me and while he remarked that I should have asked before starting on my carving project, he cannot see anything wrong with it, as it is not straining my injury. He provided an extra covering, however, just to be sure that no wood finds its way into the wound.  
#the restoration #oin

**4:10 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Who are you carving for??**  
My sister children.  
#ask #anonymous #my sister children

**4:14PM** The feast is nearing completion. We are arranging all of the plates and platters, and Dwalin has frightened several people to help us with serving the dishes at the feast tonight. I am glad he did that — the fishes, for example, are too heavy for me to carry on my own.  
#recoveryblogging #brawnsdwarf

**4:32 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**what are you making for your sister children? What is the carving(s) going to be?**  
I cannot say. My nanaddan have been known to read (and take over) my account and I would not wish to spoil the surprise any more than I already have.  
#ask #anonymous #my sister children

**5 pm**  
From the light and sounds, I can tell that the Feast has begun. I have seen the first candle lit many times but I still wish that I was there to see it once again. At least I have nearly completed my nanaddan’s gifts in time.  
#the restoration #my sister children

**5:20PM** The Feast of Lights began at sundown. It is a merry occasion, with the first of seven candles — representing the seven stars in Durin’s Crown, as Balin has informed me — being lit and many songs about winter being sung. The majority of the songs are in Common, but there are a couple in Khuzdul which are certainly not getting translated.  
#recoveryblogging #brainsdwarf

**6:45 pm**  
Fíli and Kíli have joined me, with plates of food from the Feast approved by Óin, as they are both still his patients for the moment. I told them both how proud I was of both of them, having come on the quest alongside me and proving their strength and bravery.  
I present Fíli with his gift first. I could not make the blade at this time, but I was able to carve the handle for a knife. I promised that once I could, I would finish the gift. Fíli looked over the images I had been able to create in the time that I had had and his thanks was quiet but true.  
For Kíli, I presented to them a set of beads marked with the symbol of Durin. I also taught them the proper braids for courting, should they decide to gift the beads to the one they love. I confessed that I had hopes that it would begin to heal the hurt that I inflicted on them with my harsh words and actions.  
I apologized for not having more to give to either of them but they assured that they were happy with what had been given.  
#the restoration #my sister children #oin

**7:14PM** I have eaten more food than I have in ages. It is so strange and wonderful to feel full again! I must say, I’m quite content about this feast. Bombur might think it paltry in comparison to a proper Feast of Lights with a properly-stocked kitchen, but I personally am not complaining.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

**7:20 pm**  
I have told Fíli and Kíli to return to the Feast and to enjoy it. They argued for a time, insisting that they had seen enough earlier but I asked them to see all that they can and to be sure to tell me how things went.  
Before they left, they both presented me with gifts. It was two leather woven bracelets, one from each of them. The leather was cut into strips and braided. It was the braids of family, of forgiveness. Fíli and Kíli placed their gifts around my wrists and each pressed their foreheads to my own.  
If there is any reason to be grateful for having survived my wounds, it is to have had the chance to regain my nanaddan’s trust.  
#the restoration #my sister children

**8:09PM** The Company have given me gifts. They’re all small trinkets of a sort: poems from Ori, a little noisemaker from Bifur, a little sparkler from Bo, tiny cakes from Bombur, and so forth. I apologised about my lack of presents, but they took it in stride, saying that I had only found out about the Feast six days ago and they didn’t expect me to have presents on such short notice. I told them I would think of something for Yule instead.  
#recoveryblogging #the company #scribedwarf #axedwarf #hatdwarf #bigdwarf

 **8:25PM** I have snuck out a plate of food for Thorin. I hope Óin will forgive me for stuffing him full of pancakes and doughnuts  
#recoveryblogging #trumpetdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**8:35 pm**  
Bilbo appeared at my cotside, looking rather mischievous. He has revealed that he has snuck a plate of donuts and potato cakes away from the Feast for me. There is such an air of glee about him that I cannot even be upset with him for missing the Feast for my sake.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**9:02PM** I was delighted to find that the infirmary was largely empty, as those patients who could go to the feast were at the feast, and those who couldn’t were all sleeping, save Thorin. He looked pleased with himself and smelt rather strongly of wood shavings, and when I asked him what happened, he said that he had given his sister-children some simple wood carvings for the Feast: Fíli received a handle for a dagger, and Kíli a set of beads. Thorin also taught them the proper courting braid in case Kíli wished to give the beads to a certain Captain.  
**~~**  
I set down the food in front of him and pulled a set of cloth-covered frames around his bed to give us privacy. I then kissed his brow and apologised for not having anything to give him, though I intended to make up for it during Yuletide. He laughed, and said he didn’t have anything to give me, either. I told him that him being alive was the best present I could ask for.  
Of course, his injuries prevented us from making any of our kisses last longer or become more heated than we would have liked, but we made do with lingering kisses pressed to other places than lips. It is more difficult than I had originally planned to keep all of this secret from the rest of Erebor, as nothing would make me happier than to be able to spend all of my nights with him. But maybe this night I can be forgiven. It is a celebration of remembrances and miracles, after all.  
Thorin is singing a Dwarvish lullabye to me. It is not like the one I sang him, but his voice is soothing and the space on the pillow above his shoulder is a comfortable spot for my head.  
#recoveryblogging #(read more) #thing 1 #thing 2 #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

**9:30 pm**  
Bilbo is now asleep beside me, though I know he will have to leave soon.  
**~~~**  
He left the Feast of Lights earlier to be sure that I had company on this night. I told him that he should have stayed, to fully enjoy himself and to experience the Feast, as he has never attended one before. But he assured that he would not have been able to fully enjoy the night if he had not come to see me.  
Bilbo had placed the plate of food that he had snuck away on my cot and had drawn clothed frames around us for privacy. I do not think that there were any awake or aware in the area but to have the frames enclose us made each kiss that Bilbo pressed against me feel somehow more intimate.  
He began with a kiss against my forehead, placed so gently. He apologized for not having a gift for me, which made me laugh as I had nothing to give to him either. Nothing that had not already been given to him. But he said, with a hand to my cheek and a serious set in his features, that my living was the best gift he could have received.  
I admit that the food Bilbo had snuck away went mostly uneaten. It did try to spill across the floor, though Bilbo caught it and set it aside before returning to his spot beside me. It was a long while before our kisses slowed to just smiles pressed to the other’s skin. My chest felt full, a familiar feeling around Bilbo, and I began to softly sing a lullaby to him.  
_Beneath the trees grass is growing_  
_Ay-lu-lu_  
_Cruel winds blow. Sleep my little one._  
_Do not sit near the window_  
_you may feel the wind and_  
_I don't want you to catch a cold._  
_The sky is already a cloudy gray_  
_Just like my heart._  
_Sleep my child, my own heart_  
_Ay-lu-lu_  
_Stay healthy and well_  
It was not long before Bilbo’s eyes closed in sleep. With him pressed close against me as he is, I am aware, as I occasionally am, of how small he is. I know that he has lost a great deal of weight during the quest and has yet to have the chance to gain it back. Even I, with my little knowledge of how Hobbits are supposed to be, know that the way his stomach curves in is not right. He has adopted the look of the hungry, with tired lines under his eyes and a certain hollowness to his features. I hope that in restoring Erebor, I am able to see him fully restored to himself as well.  
#(read more) #the restoration #amrâlimê #(lyrics translated from yiddish lullaby unter beymer)

**10:10 pm**  
Óin appeared eventually, as I knew he would. He attempted to be upset about the food that Bilbo had snuck to me, but the anger did not cling to him for long. He also apologizing, saying that Bilbo could not stay where he had fallen asleep, for the sake of my injury. I had known this would be the case and so accepted it.  
I moved to wake Bilbo, so that he may return to the guardhouse where the company has been resting, but I was stopped. I had not noticed Dwalin’s approach but he was there all the same, and he carefully removed Bilbo from my cot. I thanked him, for I knew Dwalin would see that Bilbo would be safely brought to his bedroll in the guardhouse. Dwalin wished me well and departed.  
Though it is fading, my side is still warm from where Bilbo had been.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #oin #dwalin

* * *

### December 7th, 2015

#### Bilbo

 **7:46AM** I woke up in the guardhouse. I could tell even before my eyes opened that I was there because I could hear the Company, and I could not feel Thorin beside me. I could have sworn I fell asleep by his side last night, but I must have been moved between then and now.  
#recoveryblogging #the company #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

#### Thorin

**9:20 am**  
Tonight is the second night of the Feast of Lights, the night traditionally shared through dance. Another candle will be lit and after the feast, those who wish to will gather and join together in dance. It is the most active night of the celebration and I can remember many years where it had gone on long into the early morning.  
Though I will not be able join it, I am excited simply to hear the music and joy in Erebor's halls once again.  
#the restoration

 

 **9:21AM** We must make more food for the second night of the Feast of Lights, though from now on the fare will be much lighter. Bombur thinks we only need sizeable portions of the potato pancakes, doughnuts, and cheese, as well as some of the wine that the Elves have brought in from the Dorwinion the other day along with the brisket for last night’s feast.  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

 

**9:45 am**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Has there ever been a time where different races willingly lived together? The societies in middle earth seem very segregated to me (and I understand the reasons why) but I wondered if something like humans or elves living inside dwarven kingdoms is completely unheard of.**  
There have been places where different races have lived together, though these tend to be a collection of Men and Elves together. Dwarves do not usually have other races live within our borders, except for instances like the Men of Dale and the Elves of Eregion. They live close to our settlements for the benefit of trade and some exchange of culture.  
#ask #anonymous

**10:05 am**  
[[Original Post]](https://quiterespectablyyours.tumblr.com/post/117478404040/the-great-insufferable-prat-thorin-oakenshield)  
You were quite upset when we first met, it seems. I did not realize how angry I had made you.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

 

 **10:14AM**  
[Reply to Thorin's post on 12/07/2015 10:04 am]  
I had every right to be upset, all right? You and your lot invaded my house and ate everything in my pantry!  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**10:30 am**  
[[Original Post]](https://quiterespectablyyours.tumblr.com/post/117478724958/thorins-helping-himself-to-whats-left-of-my)  
_‘He might not be too sore on the eyes…’_  
Ah, so this explains why you had stared at me throughout the night. I had wondered.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

 

 **10:35AM**  
[Reply to Thorin's post on 12/07/2015 10:30 am]  
You utter prat. Stop going through my old posts. Don’t make me go to your sickbed and confiscate your device.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #stop reading my posts

 

**10:40 am**  
[[Original Post]](https://quiterespectablyyours.tumblr.com/post/134728677083/reclaimeddurin-quiterespectablyyours-thorins)  
But how else am I to know how you saw me so long ago? It makes your words to me now all the sweeter.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

**11:01 am**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Just wait till you get to the part where Bilbo falls for you. It's an excellent example of the word "pining".**  
I do not intend to read every post that Bilbo has made about me. While I may have his permission to read his account of the quest, I feel that it may result in his feeling uncomfortable and I would not wish that.  
As for ‘pining,’ I believe that was an experience we both shared, though I do not think I was as aware of it as he was.  
#i am reading now simply because there is little else to do #and because he never ceases to amuse me with his responses #ask #anonymous #amrâlimê

 

 **11:14AM** For the love of the Giver, someone please give King Tosspot something to do. He’s going through my old entries about him out of boredom.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **12:42PM**  
[[Original Post]](https://exileddurin.tumblr.com/post/117890608515/the-hobbit-only-comes-up-to-about-my-chest-in)  
Two can play at this game. Nice of you to have thought so _little_ of me in the past.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**12:50 pm**  
[[Original Post]](https://quiterespectablyyours.tumblr.com/post/134734710712/exileddurin-the-hobbit-only-comes-up-to-about-my)  
I admit that I may have viewed you from a high horse at first, but my opinion of you has grown over these past months.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

 

 **1:02PM**  
[Reply to Thorin's post on 12/07/2015 12:50 pm]  
Your largesse is truly _astounding_.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**2 pm**  
Glóin briefly came to see me. Before I could speak, he presented me with a blank notebook that he had bound himself; a gift for the Feast of Lights. I apologized, for I had not prepared a gift yet for him, but he waved it off and told me to get well. I continued and apologized for the way that I acted during my madness, for how I treated and distrusted him. He is my kin and he risked much to support me in this quest, as the rest of the company did, and I was wrong in my actions.  
I told him that I did not expect forgiveness, but that I wished for him to know how I regretted what I had done. Glóin listened as I spoke and when I was finished, he sighed deeply. He said that he knew of my regret and that he also knew that the sickness had been something outside of my control but that forgiveness was something that he could not find in himself to give at this time.  
But then he smiled and gestured to where preparations were being done for tonight’s feast. He said that while he was still upset, we were still kin and he would not abandon me, especially not during Iklaladranamrâg and while I was still healing. I thanked him and he took his leave, returning his duties.  
#the restoration #gloin

 

 **4:25PM** The second night of the Feast of Lights has begun. It seems that each night has a slightly different theme to it, as last night was for feasting (and carousing) but tonight seems to be geared more towards dancing than anything else. The music is loud and boisterous. They could probably hear it in the infirmary.  
#recoveryblogging

 

**4:40 pm**  
I heard when the music began and even from here, I can hear cheers and the sound of many steps against stone. It is life and joy and though I have imagined such sounds echoing through Erebor’s halls again, it is quite another thing to actually hear it, even from a distance.  
I can recall the last Iklaladranamrâg I had spent in these halls, many years ago. I had been too young to join the first dance, which is traditionally performed by the royal family, and so stood on the side with Frerin and Dís beside me. We had watched as our grandparents and then our parents took to the floor, all eyes on them as they danced. It was only once the rest of those around us had moved forward that Frerin, Dís, and I went to join as well.  
Being the middle of so much movement and cheer, I remember that there was such a feeling of warmth. I was surrounded in the swell of the music and what felt like the beating heart of Erebor.  
I wish I was there to witness it again.  
#the restoration #my sister #my brother

**5 pm**  
I hope that the company has attended the dances tonight. There is much that they deserve, especially a night of cheer. As I have not seen them, I assume my nanaddan are there as well. Dáin most likely led the first dance, with Fíli and Kíli behind him.  
I wonder if Bilbo is enjoying his time. I have seen him dance before and he does quite well when he abandons his initial hesitation. I can still recall when he attempted to teach me a Hobbit dance in Rivendell, though he had had several cups of wine by then. I intend to have a proper dance with him, once I am healed.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #dain #my sister children #the company

 

 **6:09PM** Bo and Ori have taught me the steps to one of the dances. They also pulled me into a circle of dancers after I showed the barest sign of decency at the steps, which promptly resulted in me completely fumbling everything.  
It was still amusing, I suppose.  
#recoveryblogging #hatdwarf #scribedwarf

 **7:02PM** I have danced more than I have in ages. My feet are beginning to hurt, and Bo insists I learn one more dance with him. I fear my mind is beginning to wander to where Thorin must be lying in bed, unable to join us.  
#recoveryblogging #hatdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**7:15 pm**  
[[Original Post]](https://quiterespectablyyours.tumblr.com/post/121237790878/oh-giver-grant-me-patience-i-cannot-take-any)  
I must have certainly been blind to not have seen your intentions that night. I had simply believed you to have had too much wine.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

 

 **7:21PM**  
[Reply to Thorin's post on 12/07/2015 7:15 pm]  
Will you stop going through all of my past embarrassments?  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**7:27 pm**  
[[Original Post]](https://quiterespectablyyours.tumblr.com/post/134756692809/reclaimeddurin-quiterespectablyyours-oh-giver)  
If you would grant me a chance to make up for my past foolishness.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê

 

 **7:32PM**  
[Reply to Thorin's post on 12/07/2015 7:27 pm]  
Don’t go anywhere.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **7:54PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Seems like you may need to exact some more revenge there, Bilbo. I'm certain there's a few of Thorin's embarrassing past posts that you can show ;) Bless you both, your teasing is very sweet.**  
…Thank you, I suppose.  
#ask #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **8:13PM** I have managed to depart from the dance to visit Thorin. Once again the infirmary was fairly empty, and we were quickly able to get some privacy with the screens. I showed Thorin some of the steps I had learnt, and he said that he wished he was better so that he could join me. He’s been hearing the music all night and it has made him all the more impatient to get better.  
**~~**  
I helped him clean and rebraid his hair, being as gentle as I could in combing out his new snarls and tangles. He told me about his day: besides reading through my earlier thoughts on him out of boredom, he had also been visited by Glóin, who presented him with a blank notebook that he had apparently bound himself (with some assistance from Ori, I expect). Glóin said that while it was difficult to forgive Thorin for his actions, he understood that it was during a time when Thorin was not in full of control of himself. That, and he could not so easily turn his back on his own kin, especially when they are ill.  
Thorin says that he does not deserve anyone’s forgiveness for his actions, but I find that hard to believe. His sickness, while it is not an excuse, is at least an explanation for his actions. He should not be forced to apologise for actions he had no full control over, and his desire to atone and make amends for his behaviour only speaks to his honourability. I only hope that the Company all learn to forgive him in time, because he is trying so hard to earn that from them.  
#recoveryblogging #firedwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #the company

 

**8:25 pm**  
Bilbo came to see me and allowed me to amend my mistake of not recognizing his intentions when we danced in Rivendell.  
**~~~**  
He asked me what I would have done, if I had known then that he had wanted me as he did. In response, I pulled him close and held his face in my hands. I waited until his breath had sped up, until the red on his cheeks had begun to make its way to his ears, before I placed a kiss to his lips. It was some time before we pulled away but when we did, he laughed. I asked what had been funny and he said that while my actions now were appreciated, I most certainly would not have done that in Rivendell. I started to argue but he reminded me of my shock when he had first kissed me in Beorn’s Halls and I had to concede to his words.  
I inquired about his time at tonight’s dance and Bilbo told me of being dragged across the floor and the different things he had been taught. It took a little convincing, but he showed me the steps he had been shown. I was sorely tempted to leave my cot to join him despite my still healing wound.  
When he had finished, Bilbo asked what I had done during the day, besides read through his past feelings of me. As I told him of Glóin’s visit, he retrieved the cleaning tonic and combed it through my hair, prying apart tangles as he had done before. I could sense the agitation in his movements and voice when I repeated Glóin’s words. He believes that due to the sickness having had more control over me than I did myself, that the company should lean more towards forgiveness. I argued this, as I know I do not deserve their forgiveness for my actions, nor are they obliged in any way to give it. What I do wish is that they know my regret over how I hurt them and that they are my kin, whether by blood or not, and that I care for them.  
Bilbo is seated beside my cot as he was last night, his fingers still in my hair. I may not have been able to join in the festivities, but I do quite enjoy how this night has gone.  
#(Read more) #the restoration #amrâlimê

**9:15 pm**  
_BuriedBilbo asked:_  
**do you still hate my name?**  
Yes.  
#ask #buriedbilbo

 

 **9:42PM** I find it difficult to tear myself away from Thorin to return to the guardhouse. Though I have lulled him to sleep with my mother’s lullaby, I feel no desire to return to my own cold bedroll.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**10:25 pm**  
Bilbo once again fell asleep with his head on my pillow beside me. I was awoken when Dwalin appeared as he did yesterday to bring Bilbo back to the guardhouse where the company sleeps.  
Bilbo barely stirred when moved, as I am sure he is quite tired from helping with preparations as well as the dancing that he did tonight. I thanked Dwalin once again for seeing that Bilbo was safely brought to his bedroll. I wish all the more fiercely that I was healed so that he could stay.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #dwalin

 

 

* * *

### December 8th, 2015

#### Bilbo

 **8:19AM** Another morning in the guardhouse. Everyone in the Company seems so busy these days, running about on all sorts of errands and tasks. I know I am tasked with being Bombur’s assistant, yet now that the biggest feast for the Feast of Lights is over I find my duties considerably relaxed and my hours shortened.  
The feeling is odd and unwelcome, in a way. I want something to do. Some way to help.  
#recoveryblogging #the company #bigdwarf

#### Thorin

**9:20 am**  
Though Iklaladranamrâg is a time for remembrance, it is also a celebration, and like any celebration, it has its own way of wrapping people in a sense of unity. It is now the third day of the Feast of Lights, and I can see a difference in the interactions between those rushing around me. The Men and Dwarven cleaners look to have a stronger feeling of comradery between them and the Elvish and Dwarven healers seem to be more at ease around each other. A noticeable improvement from a mere two weeks ago, when we threatened each other with war.  
#the restoration

 

 **10:11AM** Bombur has assigned me to infirmary meal duty, which means I am in charge of making the endless pots of porridge that go to feed all of the poor folks on their sickbeds, alongside some slight garnishes of pickled vegetables. It’s perfunctory work at best, but what can we do when most of the kitchen has been commandeered for the Feast of Lights?  
#recoveryblogging #bigdwarf

 

**10:45 am**  
I have presented my nanaddan with gifts and they have done the same, but I have yet to give the rest of my kin, the company, anything. I find that I am running into the same limitations as with Fíli and Kíli’s gifts — I do not currently have access to many things nor am I able to craft many things without disturbing my still healing wound.  
#the restoration #my sister children #the company

**11:35 am**  
Perhaps objects are not the answer to showing the company my apologies. My words and actions of distrust were what hurt them and so perhaps it should be words that I use to set things right.  
#the restoration #the company

 

 **12:07PM** I am delivering meals to the patients. Thorin is among them, of course. When I passed him the first time he was writing in the notebook that Glóin gave him. I wonder what he is writing about.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #firedwarf

 

**12:15 pm**  
I have decided to write letters to each member of the company. I wish it could be more but it is as close as I can get to actually speaking with them.  
#the restoration #the company

 

 **1:22PM** Balin has come to talk to Thorin again, resulting in Thorin giving Balin a sheaf of recently-torn pages. Balin looked pensively at the papers before nodding and leaving Thorin’s side. I find that I am quite curious as to what Thorin has written.  
#recoveryblogging #brainsdwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**1:30 pm**  
Balin had thankfully chosen to visit me today. He did not have long to talk, but simply wished to see how I was faring. I told him that I was well and thanked him for helping me with the carving wood several nights ago. He waved it off but glanced at the papers I had, thick with writing. I asked if he could perhaps do me another favor and explained that I wished for the company members’ letters to be delivered to them.  
His expression was thoughtful for several long moments before he agreed. I thanked him once again and gave him the few that I had already written. He held them carefully, nodded once, and departed. I find that I am exceedingly nervous and that I must set the paper aside for the moment, until I can write without a shake in my hand.  
#the restoration #balin #the company

 

 **1:45PM** Thorin says that he is writing notes to the rest of the Company, little letters and drawings of repentance and apology. He has only managed to finish three so far, for Nori, Dori, and Ori, and I can tell he’s trying to save Bombur’s for last.  
The guilt that seems to settle thick around him is almost stifling.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê #the company #pointydwarf #winedwarf #scribedwarf #bigdwarf

 

**1:55 pm**  
Bilbo stopped by my cot briefly after finishing his task of bringing lunch to the infirmary patients. He asked what I was writing and so I showed him the notebook that Glóin had gifted me and the pages I had written in. Bilbo smiled and wished me luck in my apologies before he departed to finish the rest of his tasks.  
#the restoration #amrâlimê #gloin

 

 **4:25PM** The third night of the Feast of Lights is for music. Dáin is singing the first song, and according to Ori’s whispers, it’s a joyful tune about mining in the Iron Hills. He seems very enthusiastic about the song. I suspect he can’t wait for Thorin to get better so that he can return home.  
#recoveryblogging #irondwarf #scribedwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**4:35 pm**  
Even from here, I can hear Dáin singing. The third night has begun, it would seem. There is music present at most of the nights of the Feast of Lights but tonight, the music is especially loud and meaningful.  
#the restoration #dain

 

 **4:42PM** Another singer has taken the stage, and whatever they’re singing is taking forever. According to Ori, they’re singing a long epic about the War of the Dwarves and Orcs, done in the Ereborean style. Apparently Erebor — and the Ered Luin, by virtue of so many folks from Erebor settling there after Smaug’s attack — is well-known amongst the Dwarves for its long, almost theatrical, epic songs done in exceedingly ostentatious Khuzdul.  
#recoveryblogging #scribedwarf

 

**5:04 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**You should sing yourself. When everything is quiet. Or sing with them, even if the people cant hear you, that doesnt mean you cant be apart of it**  
I could do that, yes. Thank you for the suggestion. However, there are other infirmary patients around me and I would not wish to disturb their rest.  
#ask #anonymous

**5:15 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**If theyre other dwarves, they may want to join you in singing. They must feel some sort of loneliness in the fact that they could not join either. Just a thought**  
I am sure they would wish to join if they were able. But many of them are sleeping at this time and are much more in need of healing than myself. I do not wish to disturb that.  
#ask #anonymous

**5:30 pm**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**I heard you have a very lovely voice uzbadê, I think the other patients would feel very honoured to hear you sing. Glad to hear you are recuperating.**  
I thank you for your kind words. However, fine voice or not, it is still rude to disturb those who sleep.  
#ask #anonymous

 

 **5:43PM** Another song has begun. I think. They changed singers, so I’m pretty sure this is a new song. This singer is, according to Ori, singing a love ballad. Also according to the bright pink flush in Ori’s cheeks, it’s an extremely explicit love ballad.  
#recoveryblogging #scribedwarf

 

**6 pm**  
As with each night of the Feast of Lights, I am reminded of previous years. The recent years with my nanaddan, my sister, and I playing together for the first song of the night, as well as the years long since past. I can still remember the sound of my mother playing the harp, my father singing next to her. The sound of them together had quieted all those who had heard. I am still enchanted by the memory of the melodies blending, even after all of this time.  
#the restoration #my sister children #my mother #my father #my sister

**7:15 pm**  
My nanaddan briefly broke away from the celebration to come see me. Fíli admitted that he had missed performing the first song and I promised that we would do so next year. Kíli voiced their wish that Dís was here to celebrate with us and how odd it was to not have her here. I reminded them that ravens had been sent to her to call her to Erebor and that she would be reunited with us again soon.  
Our talk changed to the songs of the night and they told me what had been sung, as I can hear it but I cannot distinguish exact words. I eventually told them to return and enjoy the rest of the night and tell me more of it later. They promised to return tomorrow and departed.  
#the restoration #my sister children

 

 **7:28PM** I must pay Thorin his nightly visit now, with food. The music has been excellent, and I would gladly listen to more, but I do not want to leave Thorin all alone in the infirmary, listening to the festivities but unable to join.  
#recoveryblogging #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **8:15PM**  
_Anonymous asked:_  
**Perhaps you could sing to Thorin, though very quietly of course, so as not to disturb the others in the infirmary**  
Perhaps, but I wouldn’t know any of the words to any of the songs that were sung tonight.  
#ask #anonymous #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 **9:48PM** I wonder: if I just continue to fall asleep at Thorin’s bedside, would Óin eventually give up and let me stay?  
**~~**  
Thorin greeted me with a report on his letter to Bifur. Apparently it is close to being done, but he set the notebook aside all the same to respond to my kisses. I fed him the potato pancakes and cheese that I had snuck out from the Feast, and he told me Óin would have my head for feeding him such things. I said that what Óin didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.  
Thorin laughed, before cupping my face and returning my kisses with unbelievable softness, his eyes sparkling with laughter and yet so _gentle_ and _sad_ , and I couldn’t help but feel my heart beating as if it would escape my chest for him.  
I once thought that I could not say the words ‘I love you’, lest it lose its power. I now find that each new time I tell him that, it feels like the first all over again.  
#(read more) #recoveryblogging #trumpetdwarf #axedwarf #that asshole #that wonderful asshole #amrâlimê

 

**10:05 pm**  
Bilbo snuck some more food from the festival to bring to me.  
**~~~**  
He looked quite pleased with himself as he revealed the plate that he had brought. He pulled the clothed frames around my cot and placed a chair close to my side. Bilbo put the plate on my lap, loaded with potato cakes and cheese, and I told him that Óin would be quite cross with him if he found out what he was feeding me. Bilbo did not look concerned in the slightest, only held some of the potatoes closer and declared ‘what Óin does not know, will not hurt him.’  
I could not help but laugh. I am endlessly grateful for his presence, which feels to me like the comforting warmth of a fire. He is small and self-contained, but burns so brightly that I can hardly look away.  
After we had eaten what he had brought, I asked Bilbo if he had enjoyed the music from tonight and he said that while it was lovely to hear, he had wished that he had heard my voice as well. I urged him to lay his head on my pillow and I sang as softly as I was able to him, so as not to disturb the other patients in the infirmary that sleep around us.  
_Night after night on my bed_  
_I have sought my true love;_  
_I have sought him but not found him,_  
_I have called him but he has not answered._  
_I said, 'I will rise and go the rounds of the city,_  
_through the streets and the squares,_  
_seeking my true love.'_  
He has since fallen asleep and I can feel the pull of sleep as well, though I am trying to resist it. The sight of him is too pleasing and I do not know if I will wake to him in the morning.  
#(read more) #the restoration #amrâlimê #(lyrics from 'I have sought him but not found him' from the song of Solomon)

 

 

* * *


End file.
